Right now my stomach is in knots. I’m about to take a leap into something unknown, and frankly I’m not sure I’m prepared. I’m going on one of Male Survivor’s Weekend of Recovery Retreats in the Sequoia National Park with a group of 20 other adult male survivors of childhood sex abuse and I’m filled with excitement and fear.
When I left Atlanta for the West Coast a few months ago I decided to put my abuse history out of sight and out of mind so I could focus on all of the challenges that come with trying to get rooted in a new place. Well, if you’ve dealt with trauma before you probably know that suppression and avoidance are not the most effective strategies. It’s like you’ve put up a dam and before you know it you’ve got a lake of emotions flooding over the top, then cracks start forming, and before you know it the dam breaks and you’ve got a flood. Not good… When it became apparent I needed to be dealing with this stuff I knew I needed support but I didn’t know where to begin or how to fit it in to my life between looking for work, looking for a place to live, networking, and some exciting but unrelated projects I’ve taken on. I’ve talked about it with friends and their responses have been helpful (thankfully I have wonderful, loving, and compassionate friends), but despite reaching out I still felt the weight of shame crushing me, and I felt like I was carrying it all alone. Then Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM) started this month and everything came to a head. I was hit hard with the reality that this stuff isn’t going away and that the energy it was taking to repress it was severely limiting my functionality, health, and happiness. So I started journaling about it and tried advocating online.
I really wanted to post my #survivorstory today to kick off Sexual Assault Awareness Month but it just proved too challenging. :-/ #SAAM
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
One of the hardest parts of being a survivor of childhood #sexualabuse is the stigma and shame that silences our truth. #SAAM #speakout!
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
A big part of the fear is that people won’t understand, I’ll be criticized for speaking my truth, or I won’t be acknowledged at all. #SAAM
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
When I talk about my abuse, it’s not just about me. SO many are suffering in silence, their horrific stories untold. I must #speakout. #SAAM
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
1 in 4 girls & 1 in 6 boys were sexually abused before the age of 16, yet the stigma is so great no one talks… The #SilentEpidemic. #SAAM
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
We need to stand up for those who have been told they are wrong for the wrong that was done to them and are trapped shame. #SAAM
— John Love (@curiousjohn) April 2, 2013
As you can see this was not easy. In addition to journaling and tweeting I was trying to figure out how to turn need to heal and desire to help others heal into a creative project that could support us through that process and share a part of that process with the world through the Internet. What I didn’t see coming was that this whole effort would be retraumatizing and leave me feeling less empowered. I started feeling extremely vulnerable for sharing something so stigmatizes with the whole world, many of whom I imagined where judging me or didn’t understand, or perhaps worse were simply ignoring me. I feared that sharing this had causes people to see me as “that guy who was abused” or somehow weak, or even worse that talking about such a taboo subject would hurt my employment prospects. That’s when I decided it was time to seek more professional help.
Last year, right after hurricane Sandy hit, I went to the Male Survivor Conference in NYC and connected with 300 survivors, clinicians, activists, and allies for what proved to be an intense, cathartic, and revelatory weekend. There I heard first hand accounts of horrific abuses far worse than my own, as well as inspiring stories from men who had found peace, hope, and healing in their journeys towards recovery. I also learned about the Weekends of Recovery which many of the men there had participated in and all of them claimed to be a profound step in their own healing. Fast foreword a bit and tomorrow I’m headed to my first WoR for group therapy, art therapy, meditation, hikes in the Redwoods, sharing stories with other servivors, workshops to learn self-care practices, healthy eats and a whole lot more. As I said, I’m pretty nervous. I’m going to be diving into some deep and challenging stuff and I don’t know exactly where I’ll be staying when I return to San Francisco next week. I just keep reminding myself that when the potential rewards outweigh the risks, it’s time to listen to your curiosity instead of your fear. Wish me luck!
So lately I’ve been mentoring for Hacker Scouts Open Labs at Ace Monster Toys in Oakland, CA but haven’t found time with my current job and housing hunt to write a proper blog post about the awesome DIY learning revolution taking place there. Thankfully some other folks have— listen to this parents raving testimonial:
“Hacker Scouts is the number one program that’s building kids resourcefulness, preparing them for the future, and getting them comfortable with technology,” says Dion Lim. “The kind of skills that they’re learning in hacker scouts, it’s so obvious it’s so much more relevant than what they learn in other places. … It’s going to be a big part of their lives. We feel really lucky.”
I feel really lucky too, and look forward to helping more kids follow their curiosity. Hack on Scouts, hack on!
BioCurious is a hackerspace for biotech in Sunnyvale, California!
I’ve been following the community for months online so I was so excited to finally get the chance to visit them in person! Join me as I tour the lab and give you a rundown of the facility’s equipment. This video is admittedly a little bit quick and dirty but I was strapped for time and figure it was better than nothing. I hope you enjoy and remember… Stay (Bio)Curious! ;-)
“Be curious. Read widely. Try new things… A lot of what people call intelligence just boils down to curiosity.” — Aaron Swartz
Hello Las Vegas! Haven’t seen you in ohhh about 27 years… Why yes, I did grow a beard! What’s new with you? – View on Path.
Compressorhead Ace of Spades (by TheRobocross1)
The best robo-band you ever did see. Now that is some heavy metal.
““I don’t believe in futurists that much anymore - they are usually wrong… I’m calling myself a ‘nowist,’ and I’m trying to figure out how to build up the ability to react to anything. In other words, I want to create a certain agility.””
- Joi Ito’s Trends to Watch in 2013 | Think with Google
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
Happy birthday J.R.R. Tolkien! Thank you for your curious mind!
Dotmap is a map of every person counted by the 2010 US and 2011 Canadian censuses. The map has 341,817,095 dots - one for each person.
“A group of neuroscientists and software engineers at the University of Waterloo in Canada are claiming to have built the world’s most complex, large-scale model simulation of the human brain. The simulated brain (Spaun), which runs on a supercomputer, has a digital eye which it uses for visual input, a robotic arm that it uses to draw its responses — and it can pass the basic elements of an IQ test.” (via Spaun, the most realistic artificial human brain yet | ExtremeTech)
I’ve been traveling for two weeks now with zero money, sharing my gifts of love, and awakening to my capacity to heal and help others heal, so that we may be empowered with the agency to reach our full potential. There is a lot of pain, suffering, and sickness in this world, and I intend to help heal it. This is the work I feel called to do. I know wholeheartedly that I am providing value and serving the world, and for this I ask no fee. It is my gift and I am committed to giving it freely. I don’t know how I am going to feed myself. I don’t know how I’m going to travel to all of the places I feel called to give. But I have let go, taken a leap, and am trusting the abundance of the universe will provide. I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself in order to be able to receive as well, especially regarding money. I once saw money as this toxic thing to be avoided for fear of expectations, obligations, and the sense of injustice I associated with it. Recently I had a total paradigm shift; I now see money as potential energy… as possibility. It’s liquid. It exists to flow, and when we hoard out of fear we restrict the flow, harming ourselves as well as the whole system. We must be equally willing to give and receive, money included. You cannot have one with out the other. It’s all about balance. Another thing I’ve been learning as I heal is how to ask for help. It isn’t a sign of weakness, and one should not feel guilty for asking. It actually shows great strength to admit that you can’t do everything alone, nor would you want to; We’re all in this life together, we need to start acting like it. I want to be clear that I’m not advocating dependence but rather INTERDEPENDENCE. We should work together for mutual benefit, in love and devotion to a better world, not to take advantage of others energy… So all this is to say, if you believe in me and the work I am doing, and feel like sharing your loving gifts with me, whatever form they make take, I am ready to receive with love and gratitude. If you need help with anything, please don’t be afraid to ask. That is what I’m here for and I will do whatever I can to be of service. I encourage you to share your unique gifts freely with the world, and to speak your truth with out fear. Thank you for reading this, and to all who have inspired me and led by example. I love you all dearly. Let’s transfigure the world!
I’m excited to announce that I’ve joined up with the Balance Odyssey, a documentary/web media project, seeking to find balance in our complex modern world! My first contribution to the project was putting together this little video for our entry into the “Bloggers for GOOD“ competition. We were rushing to make the entry deadline and I only had a couple hours to knock it out, so it’s not the best video I’ve ever made, but I think it does a good job communicating our intentions moving forward with the Odyssey. Adrenaline was definitely rushing as I got it submitted with just seconds to spare! Check it out and let me know what you think. Stay balanced! :)
Oh hey, a #latergram from last weekend working the Hacker Scouts booth at #makerfaire! #diy #education #hackingislearning
If this doen’t make you want to dance around in your tighty-whities I don’t know what will.
In the midst of a losing karate battle Cosmo stopped, struck this pose, and said “I have a force field around me when I’m meditating.” Omg, SO adorable! :D
Nothing like slacklining & watching this sunset over #SF while listening to Ólafur Arnalds 3055: http://open.spotify.com/track/3wdKBHf684laOeupcjsGEe #balanceodyssey (at Mission Dolores Park)
A bunch of RedBoards, Breadboards, FlyCamOnes, LED Strips, resistors, and transistors from @SparkFun! :D #hackerspaceinabox (at Top of the Hill)
We see some great things here at the White House every day, and sharing that stuff with you is one of the best parts of our jobs. That’s why we’re launching a Tumblr. We’ll post things like the best quotes from President Obama, or video of young scientists visiting the White House for the science fair, or photos of adorable moments with Bo. We’ve got some wonky charts, too. Because to us, those are actually kind of exciting.
But this is also about you. President Obama is committed to making this the most open and accessible administration in history, and our Tumblr is no exception.
We want to see what you have to share: Questions you have for the White House, stories of what a policy like immigration reform means to you, or ways we can improve our Tumbling. We’re new here, and we’re all ears.
So give us a follow, send a post our way using the submission tool, and stick around to see some things you won’t want to miss.
And yes, of course there will be GIFs.
You can also find us on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and WhiteHouse.gov.
That’s great! Will there be animated GIFs of civilian drone strikes too!?
There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted not from when they were born, nor from when they are conceived but from the day that the child was a thought in its mother’s mind. And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she’s heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child’s father, and teaches it to him. And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of that time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite it.
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child’s song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old women and the people around her sing the child’s song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child’s song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks it up and sings its song to it. Or perhaps the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty, then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.
In the African tribe there is one other occasion upon which the villagers sing to the child. If at any time during his or her life, the person commits a crime or aberrant social act, the individual is called to the center of the village and the people in the community form a circle around them. Then they sing their song to them.
The tribe recognizes that the correction for antisocial behavior is not punishment; it is love and the remembrance of identity. When you recognize your own song, you have no desire or need to do anything that would hurt another.
And it goes this way through their life. In marriage, the songs are sung, together. And finally, when this child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing—for the last time—the song to that person.
You may not have grown up in an African tribe that sings your song to you at crucial life transitions, but life is always reminding you when you are in tune with yourself and when you are not. When you feel good, what you are doing matches your song, and when you feel awful, it doesn’t. In the end, we shall all recognize our song and sing it well. You may feel a little warbly at the moment, but so have all the great singers. Just keep singing and you’ll find your way home.
La la laaaaa! What is your heartsong and will you dare to sing it?
Coccolithophores are microscopic algae that first appeared 220 million years ago, and flourished during the cretaceous period. They produce peculiar plates called cocoliths out of calcium carbonate, and incorporate them into their shells. As they die and sink to the ocean floor, they remove carbon from the atmosphere and produce chalk. This biological activity is an important regulator the global carbon cycle.
Also, they look really cool, in case you hadn’t noticed. :)
Exploratorium reopening day at Pier 15! Come explore, learn, and play! #staycurious (at Exploratorium)